The Arbuckle Invitational Golf Tournament has been blessed over the years to have Walter Shapero as among other things: a Patron Saint; Finder of Green Jackets; pourer of Boston Coolers and now, Poet Laureate.
Golfing with Trump
If off the tee you happen to hit a big slice
Trump might loudly say that was very
nice
And if you happen to hit a shot into a trap
He will promptly give it an approving loud clap.
And if on the last hole you are about to make a short putt to win
From Trump will come disquieting
loud noises and accompanying din
And if his golf ball's location escapes his playing partner's eye
Trump will just make it move and thus, as usual, improve his lie.
And even if
on the previous hole his score was worse
On the next tee he will likely insist on shooting first
And he is never worried his handicap he can or will mar
Because his scorecard always shows that he
shot under par.
Actually no need to keep a scorecard he
Because his score is always just what he wants or needs it to be,
And as we know he doesn’t really care much about the real
facts
And thus from his actual shot number he usually subtracts
And of course he doesn’t ever count the shots that he muffed
Thus reminding one of the ballot boxes he falsely claimed were
stuffed -
And therefore you should know from the round's onset
You are always going to lose whatever you've bet.
And while you're playing with him during any such rounds
None of his
shots will be seen or called as out of bounds
And when or if Trump's ball perchance went over a fence
He will require, I believe, that it be retrieved by Mike Pence.
I would venture to say that
it probably takes masochistic souls
To play golf with Trump for even nine holes.
And then after the ball finally goes into the last cup
You may be invited or feel obliged to then with
him sup
Because you are or may be considered a Trump crony
And you need to keep with him a semblance of har-mony
And maybe indeed when you were golfing with him out on his club's links
You
might have mentioned friends or clients then or possibly later
serving time in federal clinks,
Hoping that as a result they would be pardoned and otherwise set free
You can then go into Trump’s club Pro
Shop and buy an expensive shirt - a tee
Colorfully emblazoned with the words "Trump Pardoned or Commuted Me"
All in all I am not so sure one should ever have taken his or her golf bag
And
have played a golf game with Trump and then ever about it brag.
